My Guru....

After that last little post talking i just wanted to dedicate a 

post to two people here who have inspired me here in Cairo...

the first is my director,

when she gave me this job i was the shell of a dancer.

I had just been let go from my last company where i had been made

 to feel like i was a nobody 

and not good enough to even be on stage.

But she saw something in me and gave me a job as a soloist.

i'll admit it, f

or the first couple of months i felt like a fraud.

When they called for the soloist, or read out my name in castings,

 i was so confused that they really meant me!

And she gave me roles that i felt i didnt quite deserve

 but at the end of it i realised that i could do it and that i did have it in me.

I became what she saw in me.

 I became confident and enjoyed the opportunities that she gave to me. 

I enjoyed working in rehearsals with her.

Madam alla with her broken arm and the 'pas de troisers'

The other person i would like to mention is Madam Alla.

Madam Alla is very scary when you first meet her. 

She only speaks russian...

and i can only imagine that she is a hundred years old.... 

She only rehearses the soloists...and she rehearses them hard.... 

In my first rehearsals with her i got so worried every time 

she shouted at  me, she would get so angry. 

Then when everybody else had done their variation once or twice 

and finished rehearsals and were ready to go home 

she made me stay and do it two more times. 

I felt inadequate and wanted to work hard to please her.

When the corps de ballet have holidays or there is an extra day off, 

if you are working with Madam Alla you dont take holidays, 

you work on National Days and extras on weekends. 

During the performances she is pretty nerve-wrecking, 

she stands in the wings and you can see her disapproving looks 

when you make a mistake, 

stomping her foot hard if you get out of time, 

she finds you after your variation and either gives you the head nod or the head shake.....

yes she can be intimidating....

but....

the more i have worked with her the more i have learned

 that she pushes her dancers so hard because she wants the best from us.

madam Alla watching from the wings

After one performance of Swan Lake,

 i hadnt felt like i had done particularly well and was scared to see her the next day

 as i thought she had been watching from the audience. 

She came to me the next morning and apologised that she didnt have

 any corrections to give me, she was so sorry, 

but she had been sick and had had to go to hospital during the performance. 

She was absolutely  devastated that she hadnt been there for me....

(i told her i danced the performance good not to worry...hehe).

and it was so nice to know how much she cared about 

my performance...not for her...but for me, she wanted me to do My best.

I'm grateful for the chance that i have had to work with these two women 

who have both pushed and inspired me in different ways.

And its the inspiration and reaching of goals that they gave me that has

left me feeling content with my career

in a way i never could have not so long ago.