Thursday, December 22, 2011

introducing Harry.....

I would like to introduce Harry to you.

Harry is my Christmas tree,
i was walking by the 2.50le (25p) shop the other day 
and became exceedingly excited to see that they were selling Christmas trees.

so tiny Christmas trees,
but they are the only ones i have seen.

And Harry makes me so happy.

Charlie Brown would be proud methinks.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Merry Future Christmas...

I just officially became an organ donor.
i added my name to the uk's online NHS organ donation list.

Organ donation is not something that i had ever really thought about until recently
It is not something that i think sounds particularly pleasant,
being dissected after death
(especially from a girl who cant even give blood for my ridiculous needle phobia)
but when you think about it the Undertakers do 
all that embalming stuff afterwards too,
 which aint much better.

But i got thinking about it recently after speaking to a man i know.

His daughter was waiting for her second lung transplant.
She was suffering from cystic fibrosis.
Her first transplant had given her 5 happy years, 
but now she was in need again.

And he told me of the joy that the first transplant had given their family
and how they so much wanted to share that joy with the donor's family.
Wanted to let them know that their kindness during the time of their loss
brought so much happiness to their family and saved others from feeling a similar loss.

He also spoke of the dilemma they felt now.
Wanting their daughter to get better,
 but not wanting another family to have to suffer so that she could.

How they were praying to God to help them come to terms with what was meant to be.

And she died, a couple of weeks ago.
I guess this time it was her turn to go.

And this short conversation that i had with him took place 
in a kitchen rather off-handly whilst peeling potatoes for a lunch we were making.

But i felt there and then that when i die i want to be able to give someone else
that new lease of life and joy.

Today i saw a link on facebook,
and i followed it through,
and am now official organ donor.

anyone in the uk can register here.

Merry Future Christmas.... 

Christmas Music...

Oh dear, 
my blog has been a bit mopey and depressive as of late, whilst everyone else's are full of holiday cheer.

So i thought i'd share some of my favourite Christmas songs from this year....
i love listening to them, even though it's not Christmassy outside, 
when i walk along listening to them on my ipod, 
i can imagine myself a million miles away.

Muppets, Where Ever You Find Love -
This one sums up for me the feeling of what the Spirit of Christmas is.
Its about the moments of joy that you find.

Michael Buble- Santa Clause is coming to town - 
So i dont actually have this one on my ipod, 
but i do LOVE how Gene-Kelly-esque this video is!

Fantasia -
Again, not on my ipod, but this is the music i'm listening to 
everyday for the past two months...Nutcracker....
but as a little girl i could watch the Fantasia movie on repeat....
that Walt Disney, what a guy....

Kari Jobe - Bethlehem
I just discovered her album this Christmas, 
i think she has an angelic voice that suits Christmas Carols to a T - 

Robert Downey Jr - River
The Ally McBeal Christmas Album has been one of my faves for such a long time now. And i love R-D Jr singing this song....he is so this song rings up my feelings right about now

Sunday, December 18, 2011


I've been having a love/hate relationship will Ballet over the past few weeks.
In fact scrap that, it's been a hate/hate.

The other day was one of those rehearsals where i cried from start to finish.
They happen every now and then.

The frustration of always trying to reach that perfection 
and knowing that i'll never be able to make it 
can just become too much sometimes.

My teacher told me i had to relax, to stop worrying,
 and that watching me dance she doesnt see the joy in it any more, 
she sees the manual labour.

And she is right, 
which it hit me to the core,
 as it has been something i had been worrying about.
i spend so much time worrying that my technique is not good enough,
 that my feet are not pointed or turned out, 
that my port de bras is ugly, that legs are not high enough, t
hat i no longer have time to actually enjoy what i'm doing.

So i'm trying,
i'm trying to relax and to find that feeling when i dance that makes me happy.
that feeling that reminds me why i go through all this sadness and turmoil,
because i know that when i find it,
its amazing

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Breaking pointe.....

There comes a point in before a show when everybody starts to go a bit crazy.

Everyone is tired,
muscles are aching,
everyone feels that they are worse off
than the person next to them.

And going to 'the office' is not a fun place to be.

I guess in that way its just like a regular job,
when the pressure is on people get narky.

and boy oh boy
have i been narky in the studio lately.
as well as everyone else around me....

My teacher also told me yesterday,
that people didnt buy tickets to the Nutcracker
to watch me look like i'm dying,
save that for some other ballet.

They want to see sparkles and glitter....

its hard to try and achieve that when the muscles in my
back are so tight that it feels like i cant gasp in enough oxygen

Still one more week till for performances,
lets hope we make it....

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Christmas Blues.....

As much as i'm trying to dream about a White Christmas,
or even a Holly Jolly Christmas,
I just don't seem to be able to.

People complain about the commercialism of Christmas,
but what i wouldn't give at the moment to walk into a superarket and hear Christmas Carols play.
How much would i like to see some twinkling Christmas lights,
to go to a Christmas Concert.....
to see a Christmas tree....
to have time to go to a Christmas Party.
To have a present to open on Christmas Day.

Maybe these things are commercial,
but i can tell you living in a country where they dont exist,
that Christmas Spirit is just so much harder to come by.

Plus i just found out that i have two performances on Christmas Day.
I've always worked Christmas Eve before, Nutcrackering of course,
but Christmas day i always managed to eat some turkey ad squeeze in a Christmas movie before...

not this year....