I've been having a love/hate relationship will Ballet over the past few weeks.
In fact scrap that, it's been a hate/hate.
The other day was one of those rehearsals where i cried from start to finish.
They happen every now and then.
The frustration of always trying to reach that perfection
and knowing that i'll never be able to make it
can just become too much sometimes.
My teacher told me i had to relax, to stop worrying,
and that watching me dance she doesnt see the joy in it any more,
she sees the manual labour.
And she is right,
which it hit me to the core,
as it has been something i had been worrying about.
i spend so much time worrying that my technique is not good enough,
that my feet are not pointed or turned out,
that my port de bras is ugly, that legs are not high enough, t
hat i no longer have time to actually enjoy what i'm doing.
So i'm trying,
i'm trying to relax and to find that feeling when i dance that makes me happy.
that feeling that reminds me why i go through all this sadness and turmoil,
because i know that when i find it,