Sunday, December 18, 2011


I've been having a love/hate relationship will Ballet over the past few weeks.
In fact scrap that, it's been a hate/hate.

The other day was one of those rehearsals where i cried from start to finish.
They happen every now and then.

The frustration of always trying to reach that perfection 
and knowing that i'll never be able to make it 
can just become too much sometimes.

My teacher told me i had to relax, to stop worrying,
 and that watching me dance she doesnt see the joy in it any more, 
she sees the manual labour.

And she is right, 
which it hit me to the core,
 as it has been something i had been worrying about.
i spend so much time worrying that my technique is not good enough,
 that my feet are not pointed or turned out, 
that my port de bras is ugly, that legs are not high enough, t
hat i no longer have time to actually enjoy what i'm doing.

So i'm trying,
i'm trying to relax and to find that feeling when i dance that makes me happy.
that feeling that reminds me why i go through all this sadness and turmoil,
because i know that when i find it,
its amazing


  1. I'm not a dancer, but you sound like you're working *too* hard. The irony is that sometimes you strive for perfection, but the more proverbial I-s you dot and T-s you cross the less you are able to revel in what you do, and do it for the reasons you love. How you get out of that downward spiral, I don't know, but I think it's worth having a f*** it day, and just doing it for the joy. Leaving the criticism at home (or with the teacher that delivered it) and just dancing, forgetting technique and just enjoying what you do. As a (now former) teacher, the equivalent would be leaving the planning at the door and going with my instinct over what the children want & need that day. You're not going to break any records or win any awards doing this, but you are likely to reconnect with WHY you do it, and that's probably more important than burning out.

    Trust me, a f*** it day now, letting go of the burden of perfectionism, may just save you from needing much longer away from your beloved profession! It must be so hard being away from home in the run up to Christmas, but keep dancing because you love it, not because you need to be better, stronger and cleaner in your technique. We dance, or in fact do any vocation, with our hearts and when we forget our hearts we lose our way.

  2. I know how you feel. The last couple of months I've been fighting back the tears during ballet. It's been hard, and just know your not alone.