I am the worst diary keeper ever.
I had a diary that i started when i was 12,
which only has about 30 pages written in it.
So last year in order to combat this a wee bit i bought a smaller book.
Like really small.
It hasnt really made a difference to my diary keeping skills.
But i picked it up today and read what i wrote (nearly) a year ago today,
and it helped me with some problems that i'm experience at the moment,
maybe this realisation will help me be a better diary keeper.
But then again, i'm sure that i've had that realisation before.
at any rate i thought i'd share....
March 1st 2010
"That's it your done with the baby slope"
"Are you sure? I'm still falling over all the time."
"Yes, there is nothing to learn here."
He takes me to the top of the mountain and i begin to panic.
How can i be here at the top of the mountain?
I can't see the bottom of the slope,
just lots of humps that look like they end in sheer drops.
It's too scary.
I can no longer do the basic steps that i learned before, everytime i try i fall down.
I am frustrated that I cant do it any more.
I try and fail at least 20 times and become unable even to stand upright any more.
I scream and shout at him as he sits on the other side of the slope.
"Come and help me"
"i cant do it"
He just waits.
This frustrates me even more as i know
how easy it would be for him to come over and help me.
I get angrier and then i frustrate myself to the point of tears.
I unclip my snowboard and walk over to him.
He just gives me a hug,
"Alright madame, ready to go on?"
I nod my head, meekly.
And on i went.
Was it any easier after my two-year-old style tantrum?
No. I still kept falling, but everytime i got up again and kept trying and
he was there close by watching me and giving me
little pointers along the way
and in the end i was pleased with my amateur progress.
I think the Lord watches over us whilst we have our childlike tantrums
when he takes us to the top of a new mountain.
And sometimes we shout at him,
and sometimes we want to know why he wont
come help us when he so easily can,
but most of the time it takes for us to humble ourselves
and take ourselves closer to him so we can carry on
with our difficult journey with Him by our sides.