feeling inferior...

sometimes i wonder why i am fighting so hard to keep a job when everything about it seems to be trying to make me feel inferior.
Whilst other girls look at new cast lists to see what role they will have i look at it in hope that i will be an understudy and that someone will get injured and i'll finally get to perform.

Today i was Too Slow
Too Lazy
Out of Time Everytime
and asked
'why do you have to stand so ugly?'

I look around wonder if i truly am the worst dancer in the room.
i know i am not the best.
I am not perfect.
I have aspects that need to be worked on.

But i have qualities too.
Why am i the only one who thinks this?
lately i've been wondering if they are actually qualities at all.

I think i preferred yesterdays physical pain to today's mental pain.

Today as a 'correction' i was told, 'Dont dance so much'.

Perhaps i should remind them that when asked for my occupation i generally reply,

Dancer.