so talking of Mister Bartholemew, i came across a short something i wrote in my notebook about this time last year. i remember writing it after coming home from....well...i suppose it was a date....
"You dont believe me"
"No, i do not"
"How mightily rude, when have i ever lied to you?"
"Well....seeing as you just told me you spent the afternoon conversing on the subject of beaver politics with three beavers who live under the bridge near your house....No, i do not believe you"
"Fine, i ll prove it to you, turn left here"
He is amused, "your kidding right?"
"Nope, lets go there right now" I check my watch, "although it is after 11 on a saturday nigh Little Humpernickle will probably be in bed and Betsy really isnt much of a night owl but Bartholemew might still be up"
He gives me a look and then turns left.
Uh oh. "You know it is a bit dark out"
"Ha! Now your making excuses"
"No no no, I'm just saying that with your poor night vision you might have a little difficulty spotting them, they're so well camoflaged even during the day its going to be exceedingly dificult with this poor lighting" He laughs and shakes his head, apparently at a loss as of what to say any more.
We arrive at the bridge. Its cold as leave the warmth of the car. He puts his hands in his pockets and stomps his feet, "This is ridiculous" . I ignore him and lean over the railing trying to spot one.
"Don't be so pessimistic, they're not going to come out if your being like that are they now."
"There are no beavers in this country. I think you saw a rat"
"Shhhh, how can you be so mean" I come up close to him and whisper, "Beavers are descended from the rodent family but they don't like it mentioned, it offends them." I call out loud, "He's sorry he didnt mean it! He really wants to say hello!"
A passer-by passes us by and pretends not to notice us. I lean further over the rail and call out, "Bartholemew! Bartholemew! Are you still up? Matt wants to say hello, I promise we wont be long"
I cross over to the other side of the bridge and start calling over that side. Meanstwhile he looks on at me in awe but also as if i'm crazy. He is unsure as of how to react but is amused. He decides to play along, "Why dont you call to them in Beaver-ish"
"Oh, good thinking" I start to click away in my Beaver language i had demonstrated to him earlier in the evening. "You know they might come if you call them" I turn to him and lean back on the rail. He comes closer.
"Dont be absurd, I'm not calling them"
"Well then, its your own fault if they dont come. I have tried my darndest"
"Just face it. No beavers"
I shout excitedly as i spot a beaver being pulled down the river by the current.
"Aha!" I raise my eyebrows at him. I turn my attention back to the beaver who scrambles up out of the water onto the bank and then stands on his hind legs and looks up at us.
"I'm so glad you came to say hello, I hope we didnt wake you. Oh sorry "I say lowering my voice. I turn to Matt, "He asks if we can be a bit quieter as he has just got Humpernickle to sleep" Matt is shaking his head in disbelief, smiling. "This is my friend, he just wanted to say a quick hello, we'll leave you now."
I look at Matt basking in my glory.
"I cant believe you got so lucky!
Neither can I, how fantastic!
"Lucky? I don't know what you mean, I called him and he came"
"You Jammy Dodger"
"I'll have you know I'm a Custard Cream"
So actually, there is probably more non-ficiton than fiction in that story....could this be the reason why i rarely get asked out on second dates....methinks perhaps.....